LANASLAND

WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS?

2006-10-26T09:43:00.000-07:00

YESTERDAY WAS ESPECIALLY HOT FOR THIS TIME OF YEAR (EVEN THOUGH IT'S ARIZONA), SO I DECIDED TO THROW ON A PAIR OF SHORTS, SINCE I WAS GOING TO PRETTY MUCH STAY CLOSE TO HOME TODAY. I BEGAN MY RITUAL OF CLEANING, STARTING AT THE FRONT OF THE HOUSE (ALWAYS THE MOST CLUTTERED), TO BACK. AS I WAS WALKING DOWN THE HALL TO GO TO THE GUEST BATHROOM TO CLEAN, I NOTICED MY REFLECTION IN THE FULL LENGTH MIRROR AT THE END OF THE HALL. YOU KNOW HOW YOU GO BY THAT THING A HUNDRED TIMES A DAY AND NEVER LOOK UP, BUT FOR SOME REASON, UNFORTUNATLEY, THIS DAY OF ALL DAYS I LOOKED UP TO FIND THESE THINGS HANGING ABOVE MY KNEE CAPS. THEY LOOK LIKE A PORK CHOP HANGING ON MY LEG, OR MAYBE IT'S WHERE MY KNEE CAP USED TO BE AND IT'S DROPPED FROM ALL THE WALKING I'VE BEEN DOING SINCE I GOT THE PUPPY, I DON'T KNOW, BUT IT'S UGLY....I MEAN UGLY! DOES ANYONE OUT THERE KNOW WHAT THESE ARE CALLED? WE HAVE SADDLEBAGS FOR OUR HIPS, FLAB FOR OUR ARMS, POOCH FOR OUR BELLY, SO WHAT IS THE PROPER NAME FOR THESE? OK I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO CALL THEM BUT HERE'S THE MOST IMPORTANT KICKER, WHERE THE HECK DID THEY COME FROM AND WHEN? YES AS YOU PROBABLY GUESSED I'M PRE-MENAPAUSAL (JUST HAD MY 47 BIRTHDAY, UGH!) SO DO THESE GO WITH THE DIAGNOSIS? I STILL HAVE A HALF DECENT FIGURE, SO WHAT? ARE THESE GIFTS FROM GRAVITY? WILL THEY EVER GO AWAY? I'VE NEVER SEEN A WORK-OUT TAPE FOR THESE. SOMEBODY, ANYBODY, GOT A CLUE? UNTIL I HEAR A WORD OF ENCOURAGEMENT, I GUESS I'LL BE SPORTING PANTS FROM THIS DAY FORWARD (NOTHING IN STRETCH OR ELASTIC WAIST GOD FORBID!) .

WHAT THE HELL?

2006-09-17T11:04:00.000-07:00

WHAT THE HELL? That's right, I said it as I was looking down at this creature that could take my life! Well, let me take you back to the beginning....My desert garden (which is huge) had Pine needles, Palo Verde needles, trash blown in from the neighbors behind me, etc., piling up, so I got a hair up my you know what and decided I was feeling pretty good and could probably stand the fresh air for a while, so I started to rake this stuff into piles to burn. (Yes, I know I didn't check my burn permit, but just wait!) So, Zeus and I (my Pug puppy not a God) are out there working, and I start to rake up the stuff I raked up into piles last fall (and couldn't burn because it was too dry and they weren't letting anyone burn EVEN IF I HAD A PERMIT!). Well, low and behold, I turn over a corner of the old pile and there sets this scorpion as big as my foot! (I swear this sucker was huge!), well I drop the rake, shuddering all over I take off running in a full fledged sprint, which I wasn't aware I could do, the puppy is of course chasing me, as he thinks I'm playing (I'm sure he was thinking, "hmmm she's never done this before, but let's bounce at her heels why she's trying to run and see if we can trip her up") ok so I'm running, to where I'm not sure but I do know that right behind me there's a scorpion chasing after me the size of my head! I finally blow out my flip flop (shoe) nearly falling down, mind you the puppy is on my heels and didn't have a clue I was going to stop, so he plows into me nearly knocking me on my face but I could see he wasn't too concerned to my well being, ( "But hey, look at this shoe I found") so I'm standing there, half a mile from the house, o.k. it was all of 100 Ft. But it felt like a mile, my chest was burning (I smoke remember) my legs were shaking (I'm old remember) and my back was killing me (I just had surgery last month remember, ...) with only one shoe, (the dog stole it, remember), and wondering "What the Hell was that?" , did I really see what I thought I saw, or did I just take more meds than I should have this morning? Do I dare venture back over that way? Will Zeus follow me and get bit and his head swell up the size of a pumpkin? That's no way to spend the day even though Halloween is around the corner. Hey, we could paint him orange and make him sit on the front porch for the night and scare all the Trick or Treaters away! Absolutely Not! So, I start walking back towards the house, with Zeus on my heels, my blown out shoe in his mouth, thinking I can make it through all these sticker patches I managed to avoid on my way out (where were they before, was I air born?) We walk around the house, over the burrum, around the driveway, mind you I'm thinking this thing is going to jump out of the bushes at me the size of a sumu wrestler, and finally make it to the back door. Whew, what a work out! I let the dog in, try and tugg my shoe out of his mouth, I'm too tired, skrew it, he can have the damn thing, lock the doors and decide that maybe I'd just let the raking go for another season...If I do get brave I'll leave the house with the lighter fluid and a small torch! I guess I need to call the exterminator....So much for getting the desert garden cleaned, I think I'll just stick to planting pretty flowers in my pots surrounding the porch, I wasn't made out to fight desert vermin or what ever the hell they are! I think I'll get cleaned up and go to the mall!

"SO YOU HAD A BAD DAY!"

2006-09-13T10:49:00.000-07:00

BAD DAY? ARE YOU KIDDING? It seems like it's been one after the other. Getting past this last surgery is taking me longer, which makes me realize how freakin' old I'm getting (Vericose Viens & All), I've got stuff in my butt that I have to charge every night (My new implant) and I'm giving out blood all over the place (Blood tests for hospital and 2 doctors). The new drugs keep me loopy and I guess I should be happy that I'm still kickin'! I am, thank God the new Cookie Lee catalog for Fall/Winter has come out (little plug) so I have all this new beautiful jewelry to share, and with the holiday's around the corner I'm starting to schedule shows, which is always a great time. I love meeting new people, and have such a great time watching women shop for my product! I do love my business, because it's not only easy, it's profitable! What better job than going to parties...whew! whew! Of course now that my business is starting to pick up, my husband is whining for me to make a trip up north. He came down for my surgery, so that means it's my turn. It wouldn't be so bad if he didn't want me to stay for weeks on end, but he doesn't have a phone, a tv, and he works 6 days a week, so what the hell am I going to do? Sure, I still have girlfriends up there to have lunch with, but they all work too! Guess I'll pick up 5 trashy novels and do a lot of reading....but there's no freakin' way I can stay longer for a week. I've got so much going right now, and he isn't on the top of the list I'm afraid! I've got my business, my clubs, my friends and the Gala that I'm working on, so I don't know if I'm going to pull it off without some sweet talkin', but once the snow flys I'm off the hook! I refuse to drive in the snow! Besides that kind of weather hurts my back. Hey, my daughter is the new coach for the cheerleaders at the High School...GO RAMS! That's another thing I'd like to do...I used to love going to the games, now I have an excuse again! Besides, another venue to meet more new people here in Maricopa..born and raised here, and don't know half the population anymore. You know it's a real drag when your kids aren't in school anymore. Especially in this town when the only activities are at the school... SO, SORRY TO BRING YOU DOWN, but I am on the mend, and promise the good times, good fun and good tales will be coming! THANKS FOR LETTING ME VENT!

OK, IT WAS EMBARRASSING!

2006-07-31T05:09:00.000-07:00

Loosing a few pounds can be a good thing, loosing even more is a great thing right? Unless you put on a pair of pants from before you lost the weight. I've lost weight since my husband has been gone, (Doing the summer in Pinetop, of course I may never see him again!) it's only natural that when their not around there's not as much firing up the old oven, or frying something for dinner, and honestly I don't even buy groceries like I used to. Now it's dog and cat food mostly, (no I'm not eating that, I do have a dog and cat!) then a few of those 10 for 10 specials at Bashas for the freezer just in case I do get hungry, or one of the kids comes home. But for the most part I supply myself with Diet Cokes and Twinkies. I do keep a carton of Dryers ice cream in the freezer, just in case I get a chocolate attack, but otherwise not a whole lot. You find that when you live alone (by the way this is the first time I've lived alone my whole life) that vegetables go bad faster, milk doesn't last any time at all and unless you begin to start keeping your bread in the refrigerator it turns green and hairy, so I just don't buy it! ANYWAY, I'm rambling again, please bare with me, my doctor has prescribed a new medication to take in addition to all the other crap and it really gets me off track! The other day I had to get into town early to get my Lab work done for the upcoming surgery I am having. I rush from the shower to put on my face and fix the wild hair. Without even thinking I grabbed a pair of my black pants that I've been wearing all summer, put them on (over my back brace of course, so I can't feel anything) throw on a summer shirt say my goodbye's to the dog and cat, grab a cold coke and bottle of water and I'm outa there. Well, anyone of you that know me, know that if I'm supposed to be somewhere at noon I won't get there until one o'clock. I'm the world's worst about being late, so I was very proud of myself for being on time for a change. I whip through traffic like a cheetah on the move, pull into the handicap space in front of the establishment, get out of the car and enter. Well I can now pat myself on the back, I had against all odds and nature made it on time after all!! So....As I'm standing there signing in a lady comes up behind me and starts tugging on my pants! WELL, I NEVER! Then I realize that my pants were almost down to my knees and she was the only person human enough to approach me and help. Well I thanked her over and over again! How could this have happened to me? I'm usually somewhat pulled together, but obviously not today! Now I find myself standing at the check in window, my face beet red, and not wanting to turn around to see how many people were "not looking" at me. I turn, keeping my head down and not making any eye contact, grab a magazine and push my face inside! I must have read the first paragraph on Paris Hilton 15 times (and I still can't remember what it said) when I began to trace my steps from the car. How many people had I flashed in the parking lot, the elevator the halls? Oh that poor old man on the elevator, and the woman with twins, why on earth had she not said something. I know why, she was trying not to laugh I'm sure. The pants I had on, or shall we say partially on were the kind with oversize legs that make it look almost like a skirt, they are very light and made out of tee-shirt material, no buttons or zippers, just an elastic waist. SO, I was swishing down the hall and swishing my pants to my knees...Oh god, not me!! So finally the nurse calls me from inside the debths of the inner office. I have to make this exit as cool as possible because I know everyone is watching me, I could feel their eyes burning in the back of my head and now thanks to Nurse Loudmouth they all now know my name. So I carefully place my purse on my shoulder and grab a great big handful of material around my waist. I gracefully arose, and walked with my head held high into the inner office. When the door closed, I purposely hesitated expecting to hear roars of laughter like we did back in the sixth grade, but fortunately, if there was any snickering it was polite snickering, and for that I am very grateful! When something like this happens to me (and beleive me this isn't the first time I've embarrassed myself beyond belief) I have to follow the words of Grampa Shorty......WHAT THE HELL, I'LL NEVER SEE THOSE PEOPLE AGAIN!! Note to self: Organize closet, check all labels!

HOW DO PEOPLE LIVE WITHOUT A CAR????

2006-06-17T08:39:00.000-07:00

OH MY GOD! I HAVE BEEN WITHOUT A VEHICLE NOW FOR THE PAST ELEVEN DAYS, FOURS HOURS AND THIRTEEN MINUTES! MY SON LET HIS CAR GET OVERHEATED AND I DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH THAT GOING TO COST OR IF IT'S EVEN WORTH PUTTING MORE MONEY INTO AN OLD CAR (98 MALIBU) OR JUST GO GET A NEW ONE....BUT THEN THAT'S GOING TO SADDLE HIM WITH A PAYMENT (WHICH OF COURSE HE SWEARS IS "NO PROBLEM"), BUT FRANKLY I'M A LITTLE APPREHENSIVE, AS IT SURELY WILL COME BACK TO BITE ME IN THE ASS! NOT ONLY WILL HE HAVE A CAR PAYMENT, BUT AN INSURANCE PAYMENT TOO, AND THEN UPON GRADUATION THE STUDENT LOANS WILL START COMING IN....YOU SEE? SO I'VE GOT TO GET IT OVER TO THE RESIDENT (INEXPENSIVE) MECHANIC AND HAVE HIM TEAR INTO THE DAMN THING TO SEE. IT'S BEEN SO HOT I HAVEN'T HAD THE ENERGY TO EVEN THINK ABOUT IT, AND YOU ALL KNOW WHAT A PROCRASTINATOR I AM (WE CALL IT PULLING A SCARLET.."OH FIDDLE DEE DEE, I'LL JUST THINK ABOUT THAT TOMORROW). OK SO BACK TO HAVING NO CAR...YOU KNOW YOU DON'T REALLY REALIZE HOW MUCH YOU USE THOSE DAMN THINGS UNTIL THERE NOT IN THE DRIVEWAY! OF COURSE WHEN IT'S IN THE DRIVEWAY, YOU HAVE NO REASON TO GO ANYWHERE OR DO ANYTHING, RIGHT? NOBODY HAS PICKED THE MAIL UP ALL WEEK, I HAVE TO MAKE ARRANGEMENTS TO GET MY CAR FOR DOCTORS APPOINTMENTS! WHAT'S UP WITH OUR KIDS? OR BETTER YET, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? WELL, WE ALL KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT ONE! MY DAUGHTER JEN CALLED LAST NIGHT LOOKING FOR HER BROTHER (WHICH IS REALLY OUT OF THE ORDINARY UNTIL I FOUND OUT WHY). SHE EVIDENTLY RAN OVER SOMETHING ON THE WAY HOME AND HER TIRE WENT FLAT FROM ONE TRIP INTO THE HOUSE UNTIL THE NEXT...SO HER AND HER ROOMMATE DECIDED THAT THEY COULD PULL THIS OFF. IT'S NOT THAT JENNY HASN'T BEEN THROUGH THE DRILL, BECAUSE HER FATHER AND I INSISTED THEY LEARN TO CHANGE A TIRE AND CHECK ALL THEIR CAR'S BODILY FLUIDS, SO I GUESS THEY DID PRETTY WELL UNTIL THEY GOT TO INSTALLING THE DOENUT ON THE HUB. GUESS THERE'S NO ARROW OR WRITING TO SAY WHICH SIDE IS OUT AND OF COURSE THEY PICKED THE WRONG SIDE. THEY WERE SO PROUD OF THEMSELVES! THEY DECIDED THAT MAYBE THEY'D BETTER GO OVER AND HAVE HER GRAN LOOK AT IT AND REALLY TIGHTEN THE BOLTS DOWN FOR THEM, SO THEY GET IN, FIRE THAT PONY UP AND TAKE OFF AND THEN.....WOBBLE, WOBBLE, WOBBLE.....YES FOLKS, ANOTHER BLONDE MOMENT! SHE BROKE OFF TWO OF THE LUG BOLTS, A COUPLE OF LUGS SHOT OUT INTO THE STREET, YARDS, AND THANKFULLY NO WINDOWS., OR STRAY CATS!...SO WHAT DOES SHE DO? NOW SHE CALLS HER BROTHER! COULDN'T GET THROUGH ON THE PHONE BECAUSE HE WAS ON THE COMPUTER (DIAL UP) SO THANKFULLY ONCE AGAIN MY PARENTS SAVED THE DAY! THEY WENT OVER AND DAD FIXED WHAT HE COULD (TURNED THE TIRE AROUND AND TRIED NOT TO LAUGH IN THEIR FACES). SHE CALLED YESTERDAY MORNING AND HAD TAKEN HER CAR INTO DISCOUNT TIRE WHERE SHE JUST BOUGHT THE TIRES A FEW MONTHS AGO, AND THEY FIXED HER CAR AND REPLACED HER TIRE FOR NOTHIN'....(THEY SURE AS HELL DON'T DO THAT FOR ME), I HAVE TO PROVE THAT THERE IS STILL ENOUGH TREAD ON THE TIRES TO BE CONSIDERED YOU HAVE TO DIG OUT THE RECEIPTS TO SHOW THEM THAT IT HAD AN ALIGNMENT AS THEY REQUESTED RIGHT AFTER THE NEW TIRES WERE INSTALLED AND THEY STILL WANT TO GIVE ME A HASSLE, GUESS I'VE LOST MY TOUCH, I THINK IT WENT THE SAME PLACE THAT MY ASS DID A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO, ANYWAY BACK TO THE TIRE CENTER. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT LITTLE PEN THING THEY USE TO TRY AND SCAM YOU WITH TREAD USAGE! I COULD GO OFF ON THAT ONE, BUT I WILL SPARE YOU A SOAPBOX MOMENT BY LANA. IT'S 9:00 AM AND SO FAR NO PHONE CALLS FROM EITHER CHILD YES MY CELL PHONE IS ON, SO PERHAPS I CAN GET MY WHOLE HOUSE VACUUMED AT ONE TIME THIS WEEK. HOW EXCITING IS MY LIFE?.......I HATE NOT HAVING A CAR!

WHO GETS UP AT 3:00 AM BUT ME?

2006-06-10T04:23:00.000-07:00

Well, once again (thanks to my puppy Zues, aren't you sick of hearing about him) I am up at 3:00 AM, answered all my e-mails, visited all my links, read the latest Maricopa news (thanks 85239.com!) and try as I may I can't make myself sleepy (although now both the cat and dog are sleeping soundly) so I decided to post another day in the life of Lana. I'm feeling terrible about missing the meeting I promised I would attend with Celeste and Kristen. My early morning walk in the dark that day ended up a disaster and I found myself coach-bound for the day and had forgotten I had scheduled my computer to run updates that morning, and being that I live out here in the boonies that requires my phone. So they couldn't get a hold of me on my phone and I missed getting to go and check out the facility, and much worst make myself look unaccountable to the girls. You see while walking the dog about 3 in the morning, he has one of the leashes that extends out for 50 ft. or so, and somehow we got tangled and I went down! Well, I think it scared me more than anything, but my ankle was swollen and it had some pain, so I felt it was better to just lay on the sofa all day, I neglected to check my "Pink Bible", (my Cookie Lee Day Planner) because nothing much has been going on, so my weeks have been empty-er than they should be. Anyway, the whole episode turned out to be a mess, and I won't feel better about it until I see the girls on Thursday. Hopefully, their not too disappointed in me and will let me play with them again! We're planning a Fashion Show for the "Maricopa Women in Business" organization I belong to, and it's really going to be something that everyone is going to want to have a ticket to year after year. We're very excited about it, so I'll share more as we get closer to the big day. Mark your Calendar for August 5th. YOUR GONNA LOVE IT!! (Cookie Lee (me) is providing the jewelry!). I FOUND OUT I'M GOING TO HAVE TO HAVE ANOTHER SURGERY! WAAAAH! But, I can only hope it will be my last! I was beginning to think they should have just inserted a zipper from my bra area on my back all the way down to my ass! They (my doctor and the surgeon) have assured me that this new unit that has just been approved through FDA will last me eight years. So come August (after the fashion show) CUT, CUT, CUT!! This unit is rechargeable! That doesn't mean I back into the garage each night to be plugged in either! It recharges by wearing a belt each night, thus the life of eight years. OK, guess that's all for today, believe it or not I am getting sleepy.......Good Night, or should I say Good Morning....

Sleepin' Single in a Double Bed.....

2006-06-07T05:27:00.000-07:00

Well, as most of you know my husband has moved to the Great Dry North for working purposes and just because that's where he wants to retire and die! Me on the other hand am living alone for the first time in my life....AND I LOVE IT!! I never saw it coming, but you know you can clean the house and it stays clean for weeks (with a little spot dusting here and there), you never have to go back and straighten and dry the bathroom, the mess just isn't there anymore (shower door spots, whiskers in the sink, toothpaste open and all over itself, etc.), and by some miracle you begin to loose weight because your not cooking those dinners that were eaten to late in the evening by your spouse who has to work the next day. And because you've always cooked a meal for 4 or 400, you are compelled to eat along with him so he doesn't have to eat along, that was my excuse anyway....All in all, I think this set-up is exactly what will keep our 28 year marriage alive for another 50 years. Did I mention that the bickering from time to time is no longer there? When I talk to him on the phone everything I say is interesting or funny, we don't fight about money (he just deposits his check into my checking account, no questions asked) and when I do get up there to visit for a couple of weeks at a time, he pampers me like we were Newlyweds! I never cook a meal, he stops at the grocery store before he comes home, and every Friday or Saturday night I'm taken out to dinner either with friends, or to some place dark and romantic , (we're all aware of his reasoning why). I don't want to change a thing! I love being able to come and go as I please (no looking at the clock to see what time I need to be home to cook dinner, what do we need from the grocery store, is there enough beer in the fridge?), with my schedule revamped to "me time" I attempt to attend all the meetings to the various clubs I belong to (and have been known to stay after to visit with everyone, reason being I'm usually late and don't get my gossiping done prior to the meetings), and the only ones I answer to are the new dog and old cat, AND THEY DON'T TALK BACK OR COMPLAIN THEIR JUST DAMN GLAD TO SEE ME! So tell me ladies would you be in such a big hurry to plan to go North to stay for a month or two? Not Me!! I just don't have the heart to tell him that, but fortunately, my doctors have thrown a few important dates out for office calls, surgery and follow up visits, that I can postpone my trek to the North by a month or so (maybe longer depending on recovery after my surgery). So poor dear will have to continue to take care of himself until I'm released to make a four hour drive to see him. Not to mention when I go I have a list a mile long of things he wants me to bring, things required by me, the dog, the cat and my gradually, my car starts to resemble the car on "The Grapes of Wrath"! The reason I'm sharing these words and experiences with you ladies, is to let you know that the distance does make the heart grow fonder (as long as they don't have a wondering eye), and it's a hoot to be living my life calling all the shots (for know anyway. I've been able to sit down and read books that I bought five years ago that were still sitting next to the bed un-read, I occasionally go out on the weekends with my girlfriends (whereas I use to stay at home to watch "Cops"). And the real bonus is no dishes, no laundry (except my own, 1 or 2 loads at most). No clutter!! When I start getting good and lonely I plan a trip to stay for a couple of weeks (by the end of 2 weeks the bickering may begin, so it's time to blow out of there!). I'm not by any means doing anything wrong, I'm just DOING! With that said.....if one day your husband pops in and declares he's headed for the cool country, help him pack his bags, kiss him lovingly goodbye, and be sure he has a book of deposit slips when he leaves!! CALL ME, WE'LL DO LUNCH!! (I have the time now!)

Puppy Puddles

2006-04-23T06:15:00.000-07:00

Guess who has a new puppy? Yes, my own little pissin' and poopin' machine! I had mentioned that I would love to have a small dog (if I must have a dog, which everyone agrees since I live so far out from the city), and next thing I know BOOM, HERE'S.......ZUES! He's a miniture pug, and he's so damn ugly that he's cute! At my age, and with my back's condition I have no freakin' business owning a puppy! The only thing that still works right on me is my voice, so when the little leg begins to lift to mark a spot, all I can do is yell and scare the hell out of him....and beleive me I do! He's really a good little sport. Most of you know mornings are not my strong suit, I'm in pain, and very grumpy and the last thing I want to do is take a dog out for a walk (another first at our house, we've always had big dogs that stayed outside), and then praise him when he finally decides to take a dump and I can come back inside and die on the sofa! So between the screaming of his name, and the painful walks in the morning (I swear I look like the hunchback of Notre Dame!), we're both getting our punishment! He's been really good company for me, (and the cat) and he does bark to alert me of someone in the driveway, or even a folded towel on the kitchen counter that just doesn't look right and scares him. Sometimes he really can freak me out thinking someone's in the house, when it's just a dress hanging on a door (that happened last night). I get home from my "Mixer" and he's jumpin all around so glad to see me. I grab my wonderful "Diet Coke" from the fridge, my cigarrettes and kick back on the sofa to watch Law and Order and next thing I know he's barkin' his head off at something down the hall. My first thought was intruder while I was gone....do I go and get my gun, or the flyswatter to shut the dog up? Well, after turning every light in the house on, we finally made it down the hall to find a blouse hanging on the door, and the floor vent was blowing it a little, so in his little "Bug Mind" it's alive!! Uh Oh, time to walk the dog again, you never know when it's going to happen, most of the time he's just confused, but better safe than sorry right? HOW I HATE CLEANING UP PUPPY PUDDLES, I THINK WE'LL TRY PAMPERS THIS WEEK!!

Happy Easter!

2006-04-16T07:22:00.000-07:00

Well, happy freakin' Easter everyone! It is just another day around here...The kids are grown and gone (and probably hungover) and the Easter Eggs have long been abandoned, so what do you do on Easter? The logical thing you would think would be to start going to church. Hone in on my religious side for a change, but I'm not in the mood to listen to kids crying and running through the sanctuary while I'm trying to listen to the message of the Minister, so my only other option is to spend the day with family. I love my family, but lately, since Mom and Dad don't get around as well as they use to, I've been spending a lot of time with them already! The best thing to do would be to go over to my sister Donna's. She will have the pool filled and ready for her grandkids, Easter eggs already colored and ready to be hid, and I'm sure a great amount of fun in store for all (along with a big pitcher of frozen margaritas), so maybe I'll do that....But....I have Zeus now, and the last two times I've left him here alone, he's let me know it wasn't too cool. How you say? How about tearing out the last 12 pages of a novel I've been reading all week! Do you know how frustrating it is going through each little torn piece of paper looking for anything to tell me how the damn thing ended? I can only console myself by saying it was probably a crappy ending anyway, really the book wasn't that good, but I just hate not knowing how it ends. Did she leave with the brave captain on his ship or stay for the cutey who worked the docks and dreamed of owning the local pub? (see it really wasn't that good of a book). Then, I get home yesterday and find he had begun chewing on my favorite "scholl" shoes. These things are like 2x4's, but they were my blocks of wood not for puppy's to use as their own personal teething ring. Luckily he had chewed where it doesn't show when I have them on, but it's this constant watching over your things that's so frustrating with a puppy. You put things up, but are they high enough, he loves to climb so you have to be very careful to move all the funiture out so he can't jump from one to the other to get as high as he needs. "WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?" Sure I'll take this puppy! I dreamed of a potty trainded little dog, that loved to go for walks and would be a great companion on the road. Instead I got this tasmanian devil who chews on everything but his toys, can outrun me like you've never seen, especially when he has something you'd like to take away, and will boldly lift his leg on anything he damn well pleases if your not constantly watching him! Ah, just another day in Lanaland....HAPPY EASTER EVERYBODY!

THOUGHT I WAS HAVING A PRODUCTIVE DAY!

2006-04-10T08:21:00.000-07:00

Well folks, I thought at 5:00 am I was having a good and productive day, and then I got caught on a shoe website and lost it! I'm shopping away, drinking my coffee and then I look up at the clock and I've done it again!! Where does the time go? You know I say that all the time, but with me the time really does go..Somewhere! Well for one thing I'm so into shoes that I sit here and shop for them on websites that I have no business on. Not only can I not afford these beautiful pieces of leather, I couldn't afford the tissue they were wrapped in! What's the matter with me? I've got a budget that shouldn't allow someone like me to even log onto their website! Shouldn't there be a warning like on the television? " These shoes are rated "R", meaning they are over $100" The trouble is by the time you get down to my rating, there UGLY! I'm sorry to say I hate ugly shoes. You know how important a pair can be to an outfit. It can either enhance the shit out of it or make you look like you have no business wearing such a darling outfit with a pair of shoes from a "G" rating. Plus everyone would know what budget you had by the rated shoes you were wearing. I would probably still go for the "X"'s and "R"'s. I was known in my younger years, B.H. (before husband) to starve myself all week so I could afford at least a "R" rated shoe, a beautiful "R"! Of course now that I have to follow this budget thingy I can already hear him say "Are you aware my dear that those shoes you just purchased would pay off our telephone bill?" He's so freakin' practical, and I'm soooo freakin' not! LET THE TELEPHONE PEOPLE WAIT! Aren't these shoes just the best? So anyway it's somewhere around 8:30 (when I look at the clock) my eyes start buggin' and I have to wipe the drool from my chin, I decided that I needed to put an alarm clock next to my computer. You know, give myself so much time to read e-mails (oh, guess I'd better give myself extra time to answer them), you know that's what takes so long is answering my mail....I don't know how to shut up! I guess I type as fast as I talk, thus I can go on forever! Those of you that have received my e-mail's know. I'm sure some of you even pass them over so you can go back and read the fu*#@ (shit what did I just do? Is that really a website? Maybe it's the COMPUTER POLICE, their coming to take me away ho ho!) anyway, back to my e-mail's ...No now I'm rambling on about them, and I could be arrested at any minute and I haven't gotten my point across...What the Fu*% was my point? THAT'S JUST IT, THERE IS NO FREAKIN' POINT!! I need to figure out how to control my time. I have very productive and thoughtful intension, but I swear to all that is holy I try to stay on the ball, but somewhere along the line something catches my eye, or someone I know sends me a instant message (look out, I love those), and there it goes right out the window and down the road! I never plan a doctor's appointment before noon, the only time I'm out the door before 11:00 o'clock is for surgery! Honest I'm the worst! So I guess even if I had an alarm clock (oh wait my leg has gone to sleep, this should tell me something, but I can stand and type too!) like I was saying (sorry for the break but I have to do the "my leg has gone to sleep dance") anyway, like I was saying, even if I had an alarm clock, or turned this thing off when both legs have gone to sleep and just crawl away I would have more time to do other things before I left the house, but let's face it fans, that will never happen, because I'M JUST A NATURALLY BORN DILLY-DINKER! No matter what my early intension will bring, I must face the fact that I will waste time...There I said it, now you all know, no only do I waste my time, I waste my money on "R" rated shoes....."Hi, my name is Lana and I'm a shoe whore".....HI LANA!! SO Very Sorry to have wasted your time!

BOY HAVE I BEEN BUSY!

2006-04-08T23:34:00.000-07:00

(1.BOY, HAVE I BEEN A BUSY BEAVER THIS PAST FEW MONTHS...SO BUSY IN FACT THAT I'VE NEGLECTED THE ONE THING THAT I ENJOY MOST ABOUT MY COMPUTER, AND THAT IS GETTING TO SHARE MY WONDERFUL LIFE WITH ALL OF YOU! LET'S SEE, WHERE TO BEGIN? MY HUSBAND RECENTLY MOVED TO VERNON. THIS IS A SMALL TOWN UP NORTH HERE, IN BETWEEN SHOW LOW AND SPRINGERVILLE, AZ. WE HAVE TEN ACRES THERE THAT WE PURCHASED ABOUT FIFTEEN YEARS AGO WHEN WE WERE LIVING IN PINETOP AND LAND WAS VERY AFFORDABLE THEN, SO WE DECIDED TO PICK THIS UP. IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN A DREAM OF MY HUSBAND'S TO RETIRE ON THIS PROPERTY, WHEREIN I ON THE OTHERHAND HAND ALWAYS LOOKED AT THE PROPERTY AS AN INVESTMENT FOR RETIREMENT! MEANING HE WANTS TO BUILD ON IT AND I WOULD LOVE TO SELL IT! SO I MET HIM HALFWAY, HE CAN BUILD ON IT AND WHEN HE DIES I'LL SELL IT!! (Men, they think we are such silly little people, when in fact it is US who out live them!) THE OPPORTUNITY CAME UP FOR HIM TO LIVE FOR SIX MONTHS RENT FREE UP THERE SO HE LEFT WITH THE INTENTION OF GETTING WORK AND A LOAN AND BEGIN PUTTING IN A WELL AND SEPTIC ON THE PROPERTY, IN HOPES OF HAVING IT COMPLETED (Who are we kidding, that word does not compute in my husband's world, he has never finished anything he has built) WITHIN THAT TIME FRAME (the sewer anyway) AND PERHAPS PUT A NEW LITTLE MANUFACTURED HOME THERE TO LIVE IN, AND ATTEMPT TO BUILD A CABIN (More like Jed Clampett's Cabin) ON THE EVENINGS AFTER WORK AND WEEKENDS. WELL, THIS COULD BE SOMETHING TO SWEAT, BUT AFTER 27 YEARS OF MARRIAGE I CAN PREDICT EXACTLY HOW THIS IS GOING TO COME DOWN....YES, PERHAPS HE WILL GET AS FAR AS PUTTING IN A SEPTIC, HE'LL GET A TANK AND START HAULING WATER, SO THAT SOLVES THE PROBLEM OF HAVING TO PUT IN A WELL, HE'LL GET A SMALL MANUFACTURED HOME, SO THAT WILL ELIMINATE THE TROUBLE OF HAVING TO BUILD AT ALL, AND I'LL ONLY BE VISITING DURING THE SUMMER MONTHS, SO HE CAN LAY BACK AND DO NOTHING ALL WINTER! AH, MY HUSBAND, GOTTA LOVE HIM! (NO I JUST DO!) I, ON THE OTHER HAND HAVE BEEN ENJOYING LIVING ALONE (at least the majority of the time, living alone that is, my son comes out to spend a night or two during the week) FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE! YOU KNOW BACK IN THE DAY WE GIRLS WERE RAISED BY OUR DADDY'S AND THEN TOOK HUSBAND'S, THEN HAD FAMILIES, THEN DIED....WHILE NOW WE'VE BEEN SURE TO TELL OUR DAUGHTER'S THEY DON'T HAVE TO HAVE A MAN IN THEIR LIVES FOR THE FIRST THIRTY YEARS ANYWAY,THEY SHOULD CONCENTRATE ON FINISHING SCHOOL, LAND A GREAT JOB, SEE THE WORLD, THEN MARRY, HAVE THE FAMILY AND DIE (now doesn't that sound a lot better?). ANYWAY, BACK TO ME...IT'S SO WONDERFUL LIVING ALONE, FOR SO MANY REASONS....(1). MOST IMPORTANTLY, NEVER HAVING TO WONDER AT NIGHT IN THE DARK IF THE SEAT IS REALLY DOWN. (2) CLEANING THE KITCHEN AND IT STAYS CLEAN (3) STAYING OUT AS LATE AS I WANT WITHOUT WORRYING ABOUT CALLING ANYONE, OR IF THERE'S ANYTHING THAWED FOR DINNER (4) GOING TO THE GROCERY STORE (if I don't have it, I don't really need it) AND (5) WHO SAYS LIVING ON DIET COKE AND TWINKIES IS REALLY BAD FOR YOU! I HAVE MADE ONE RUN UP NORTH SO FAR SINCE HE'S BEEN GONE, AND WE ALL KNOW WHY....BUT I CAN GO ALOT LONGER WITHOUT THAN HE CAN, I GUESS THAT'S WHERE THEY GET THE OLD SAYING "DISTANCE MAKES THE HEART (IS IT REALLY THE HEART?) GROW FONDER....WELL, I'VE PROMISED MYSELF I WILL MAKE TIME FOR MYSELF AND INCLUDE MORE ENTRIES INTO MY BLOG (for anyone other than myself who reads this) SO I WILL CLOSE NOW WITH THOUGHTS OF ALL I HAVE TO FILL YOU IN ON TOMORROW....GOOD NIGHT GRACIE!

February 15, 2006

2006-02-15T08:22:00.000-08:00

Well, so much for Valentine's Day, my daughter's date got food poisoning, my son cancelled his date to set up his new keyboard's and my date is all the way up in Pinetop! So we all three spent the evening together dining on romantic Kwizno's sandwiches and watching American Idol by candlelight! I did get a "when are you coming up I love you" phone call so I guess it wasn't a total wash. Get this, my mother got a dozen long stemmed roses! Guess I'll just have to be patient and wait another twenty years or so.

I'm making my first solo trip up north tomorrow, and you would think I was 18 years old again! (This is how my husband and I dated over 28 years ago!) My mother is freaking out that I won't be able to make four hours driving, that they will find me pulled over on the side of the road hunched over in a spasm never to drive again! She thinks I shouldn't be going off and leaving my 22 year old son in charge of feeding the cat and staying the nights here (we're talking 3 nights!) so I guess you could say my mother worries a lot about me! I know we've gone through some major stuff together, with her and Dad at my side, but those days have passed, I'm feeling much better than I have in years, and actually I'm looking forward to getting away for a few days. I may have to take the entire day to drive up there, but really I'm looking forward to it. Now that the roads are super highways, it's a far cry from how it used to be and I traveled then with my kids! (I use to pray for someone to give me a border patrol vehicle so they couldn't get to me!) I was thinking as to how long it has been since I've been anywhere (longer than a hour drive as far as Mesa) alone! It's been a long freakin' time, but really I'm looking forward to it (I keep trying to force myself to be excited about this trip).

Mike recently moved to Vernon, a little suburb between Show Low and Springerville where we own ten acres that is his dream retirement property. One of our friends just recently retired from the Merchant Marines and wanted to take 6 months and travel back east to visit family and friends and needed someone to house sit. The timing couldn't have been better for Mike, as he had gotten fed up with all the people, the traffic and the hot winter we were having, so he decided he'd take our friend up on the offer and go up there to stay for six months. He plans on dropping a well on the place and starting the "Retirement" cabin. All I can picture is some crappy Jed Clampet cabin with an out house out back! If anyone knows my husband they know he has wonderful ideas, but he never finishes a project! I swear when we lived in Pinetop my house was under construction all the time, he did some beautiful work, but there was always something that hadn't been finished. Some trim was needed, the new carpet needed stretching and redone, we needed a support beam over the bar...You know just little things like that, so my expectations aren't too high for the "retirement" home! What is it with men and "Grizzly Adams"? Do they really think that a woman is turned on by that way of life? We always laughed that we were more like green acres, he loved the outdoors and I loved the city life! I actually had mall withdrawals for three months after I first moved up there.

One time he thought it would be great to go fly fishing together. I was game (and very young) so out we go, me in my new jewel studded jeans and platform shoes, learning how to fly fish. Well it's a whole lotta work for nothin' if you ask me, so I sat down to have a smoke and enjoy the sun. No sooner had I done that and whoom he was gone! I went up and down the freakin' stream looking for him half the afternoon. I would call his name, but you couldn't hear anything over the beautiful and very loud bubbling stream. Well after about an hour, it seemed like four, I just went back to camp and thought he'll finish fishing and come back to camp....I lay down for a nap...Next thing I know here is is yelling at me that I had gotten lost and he couldn't find me (I was sitting down for pete's sake, who moved?) and had spent the rest of the afternoon searching for me. He had caught one fish which was dangling from his rod, curled up and dried out because it hadn't been in water all afternoon. It's a funny story now, but at the time he vowed never to take me fishing again! SUCCESS!!

The next adventure he tried to push on me was participation in helping with the wood cutting for the winter. What a disaster. Once again I had dressed for the occasion (nobody told me that perfume would attract bees by the way, I learned that one the hard way...I hate that running dance you do when your swatting at bees) My job was to stand down by the truck and load the pieces of wood into the truck as they cut them and rolled them down...Well it was a pretty steep mountain they were on and those pieces of wood were beginning to pick up speed (and I swear they were aiming them right at me on purpose) have you ever tried to stop a rolling piece of firewood and not break a nail? I ended up cussing them all out, crying and pouting inside the truck (they forgot they had left a bottle of Jack in the truck to warm up with for later..ha!). I got sick on the way home from too many shots to warm up with....OK so I never had to go cut wood again!

Now, 28 years later my husband's memories of the good old days are much different than mine, and for some reason at this age (he's 13 years older than I am) he dreams of re-living those good old days....Well not me honey! I figured I'd spend my retirement days on a cruise to Hawaii or Mexico or Greece for God's sake, not the White Mountains! So, I'm going to spend a few days up north, I'm taking a new book and staying indoors (I know the bees are still there) but really I'm looking forward to it....He had just better enjoy my visit because I don't plan on making another one for a very long time!

Cookie Power

2006-01-26T00:53:00.000-08:00

Well did I have the time of my life!!! My sister (Gwyn) and I attended the Cookie Lee jewelry convention the weekend of the 13th, and I'm still flying on clowd cookie! We learned so much, did some networking, and ate some wonderful food in Long Beach California! I tell you it was so exciting to just finally get to attend after all the years of hearing about it, and it was just as much fun as everyone said it would be!

The first night was the mixer to find the other ladies in your line and basically get drunk, take pictures and have a fun time, but the following day was the opening ceremony for the event and you would have thought we were cheering for the biggest rock star on the planet! They had the "Beatles" there singing a few songs (impersonator's that were really good) and then John Lee (Cookie's husband) came out in 70's attire and we all put our hands together and sang "Cookie Lee" to the tune of "Let it Be". Then Cookie herself came out and it was panamonia!! Then we went through the new Spring/Summer 2006 catalog (page by page) and then broke for lunch. This was so fun seeing all the new jewelry being worn.(I missed my turn in the showroom, as we were on Arizona time and the showroom was on California, oh well) These ladies are very creative in all the different ways they wore it and with tweeks and turns I would never had imagined. Then back to school for a few hours (I spent more time running back and forth outside to smoke) and then back to the hotel room for a long soak (from all that time running back and forth outside to smoke) and get all gussied up for the Formal Dinner that night. It was such a fun weekend, but I must say my favorite part was being called upon the stage to shake Cookie Lee's hand in person (and husband John). What a thrill, I hadn't expected this as I'd forgotten I'd passed my sales in $10,000 a few months ago, and then they started showing footage of the night before and I was on the big screen, not just a shot, but my entire interview! Well these were all my goals for next year and I could already put a check mark by them....so I had to come up with some new goals, which I've started working on already (and doing pretty well I might ad) and am sharing the new catalog with everyone I run into! If you haven't gotten a catalog yet, please e-mail me and I'll either deliver or mail. I'm going to post my picture of meeting Cookie Lee, we had to laugh because my face looks as though I'm meeting Jesus Christ himself, and check out the death grip I've got on that poor woman...stalker material!!!

Oh, I guess I should share one of the funniest things that happend on our trip over....Gwyn drove (we took her husband's Lexus) so we were being very careful pulling over every hour or so, so I could stretch and smoke...but we had packed an ice chest with water and soda's...anyway, it was time for a soda so I unbuckled my seat belt and turned around in the seat to get us each one, don't know how I did it, but dropped the can of Coke and it hit the console and split, I grabbed the can (not really comprehending what was going on) and it shot in Gwyn's side of her head, shooting her hair out from the air and compression of the soda and went all over the inside of the car. Well, after we managed to wring Gwyn out and clean up the car, it turned into a pretty funny incident (you should have seen the look on her face, like when you get pushed into a swimming pool when your not expecting it!) Ah, Road Trips, gotta love um!!!

LANASLAND

2006-01-26T00:47:00.000-08:00

LANASLAND

December 6, 2005

2005-12-07T00:54:00.000-08:00

Here I am again, in the wee hours of the morning, wide awake and a million things going through my mind....like what is it about men and driving? When they are in a 35 mile an hour zone, they'll speed up and drive like a mad man, but put them out on the highway and they turn into 90 year old men, driving 55 miles an hour in the fast lane! This drives me nuts! My husband totally fits into this category. When we first married I just thought he was being extra careful for my sake, but I swear as he gets older it gets worse. I've gotten to where I either will not go with him, or I'm constantly putting my foot on the top of his and pushing on the gas pedal and yelling "Get the Freakin' lead out!". I just don't understand if this is born into them or learned over time. My father, is the same way, and so is my son!! I do see some men on the freeway driving like bats out of hell, and I think to myself that one day soon they will be in the fast lane holding up traffic for miles, looking at the scenery and informing everyone in the car how the tree on the right was just a twig when they started driving through this way.

Women however, being the multi-taskers that we are, can drive with one knee at 75, talk on the phone, finish putting on our make-up and never miss a beat. We deal with the traffic, the children and the idiots that can't drive. The children used to be something that I dreaded dealing with on long trips when they were younger. As you all know I lived in Pinetop for 11 years and I would periodically come home to the valley and of course wherever I went so did my appendages (children). I would strap them in their little car seats and pray that they would sleep the entire way..oh no way, we would get right to the beginning of the Salt River Canyon and they would wake up and start the "where are we's" and "how much longer".(was it really me that couldn't wait for them to start talking?) I would bribe them with burger and frys at Globe when we'd get there, thank god for the all expensive Happy Meal, only trouble is, it only keeps them happy for all of five minutes. The toy has broken and the French frys are cold! I use to wish I could buy a Border Patrol car so I had a screen between me the them, and I could just push French frys through the little holes, I could get to them, but they could never get to me! So the "Live" entertainment would have to begin, and hopefully keep them interested for the next 2 1/2 hours till we hit mom & dads. Another wonderful thing about being a mother, you must always be ready to entertain. First the radio would go off and the songs would begin, hopefully you had enough in your memory to keep them happy for at least a half hour, then before you knew it the hand puppets would come out and do the entertaining through Florence Junction, you talk about multi-tasking. Where else but in a mothers car would you find a whole set of puppets along with sets and scenery changes to accompany the music that you made up as you were barreling down the road trying to just get to your mothers! I use to tell myself, if I can just make it through Casa Grande it will be no time before we're there, and with each little town I would announce it loudly so the crying would stop and everyone would stand up and look at what was probably just a store and gas station, but I continued to do this until we were to reach our final destination, funny how it always worked too. I don't know if my children were just dumb or easily entertained with the idea of a new town, but it worked and believe me I did whatever it took to get to Maricopa! Finally I would see the swimming pool and knew it was minutes away from Grammy and Grand and my life as a mother as I knew it. We would fall out of the car, french frys and puppets, soaken wet babies in car seats (McDonald cups disinagrate after an hour) my hair all a muse, and say to my mother "You love them, you take them!".

Life is funny how you grow from doing the road trips for yourself, and the road trips for them, because before you know it, they've started growing up and now your driving to little league games, carting chearleaders accross the state, and then the all awaited "Spring Break" in Mexico! Yes, I've lived to tell it all and mostly in my cars. I just feal sorry for the poor people who had to take my trade-ins. I'm sure their still pulling french frys out of the back seat.

How much more stress can I take?

2005-12-05T08:11:00.000-08:00

I'm totally stressing out these days, between trying to get the damn Christmas stuff up (I think it would be easier if I didn't have a husband) my business, Cookie Lee Jewelry (which by the way is my fun escape, but stressful to put together) or my family. My daughter decided to have surgery last week on her nose. She was diagnosed with a deviated septum so being the hypo that she is, she immediately schedule the surgery, assuring me that this would end all of her sinus trouble. Well I heard this about three months ago when the last doctor decided she needed tubes in her ears. So, she goes to this guy, he pulls the tubes out ($200) and says she never needed those, that this has been her trouble all along. So after a $400 deductible, we began.

You have to know first that my beautiful daughter lives in Scottsdale, Shea Blvd., which is a long way from Maricopa. She was told to be at the hospital (surgery center) at 6:30 am, which means I have to leave at 5:00, which means I have to be up and taking pain pills by 3:00 so I'm not dying trying to take a shower at 4:00am. Of course my wonderful parents had to go with me! Why is it that the baby of the family remains the baby of the family until their death? I'm 46 years old, have two grown children, a husband of 27 years, yet I still cannot handle anything on my own? It's a good thing I love these people or I could be a little STRESSED! So anyway, this means I need to add an extra 15 or 20 minutes on so I can stop by and pick up my parents....Finally, we driving down Maricopa road with about 20 Mario Andres' I'm doing 75 and their passing me like I'm doing 20, I've got my mother, the back seat driver, and a hummer I might add, she humms when she gets nervous, every time I'm behind the wheel she's nervous! Got dad riding shot gun, he had given up driving in the dark, it's hard for him to see (so he says, he can tell me how to drive in the dark pretty well)and we are searching for my daughter apartment which I've yet to visit as she just moved there (and didn't need my help - trying to be opposite of my parents, I let her do it on her own, although she borrowed money to pay the movers, learned my lesson on that one!) recentley.

At last we have my daughter behind the wheel, all her crap stowed away in the trunk (as she has to stay with me after surgery for help)so she's driving and then asks me to dig out her paperwork, as she doesn't know where the center is!!!! AHHH@@ If I had known this I would have traded places with my father up front (remember can't see in the dark) and she's asking me to look at building numbers and streets. I have no idea where I am, and Scottsdale is not like the rest of Phoenix, they have roads that curve and end up no where, or end up at the end of a cul-da-sac, finally after only being 15 minutes late we arrive...THE HUMMING GET'S LOUDER...what's a daughter to do? My daughter is cutting her eyes at me like I have some kind of power to make her stop! Dad's ears are plugged I guess from the altitude change, so he's talking like we were 2 miles away, and I'm just shrinking down as far as I can into the sofa. I chose a seat across from them on purpose (like maybe the people in the lobby wouldn't know I belong to the hummer and loud talker). The surgery was a success. The doctor came out and assured me that she had done very well, and this is going to change her life.

Guess what? The phone just rang, your not going to believe this, it's my daughter, at work and she's bleeding again, out of pain pills....Mom! Perhaps I should call the hummer? Guess I'm back on my way to Scottsdale to rescue the one with her life changed.

November 18th Finally Friday

2005-11-18T05:38:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone! Sorry about my neglecting my blog and myself for the past month, (Jeez, has it really been that long?, yah, duh!) But I've been very busy with my business (Cookie Lee Jewelry) and getting everything ready for the holidays. Yes, I can use that as an excuse, but really I've just been running around here like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to keep a float! Anyway, I'm so glad it's Friday, but I could tie a dust mop to my ass and take to my floors, they'd get a high polish that you couldn't buy in a bottle! (Ass is draggin)

Well, I finally bit the bullet and signed up for the Cookie Lee "Spring/Summer 2006" convention. I want to get bit by the bug that has infected so many of the women in this organization that have begun after me, and passed me by like I was standing still (oh well, I was). Anyway, we were talking the other night at the meeting about what we were going to wear the night of the awards, I guess each state goes a little crazy, and all I could think about was shoes! I swear there is absolutely no help for me! What shoes am I going to wear, how many pairs do I need, or want to take (this is always a different number) And what colors am I going to need. Guessing from the time of year probably warm stuff I would guess, but you all know how I love an open toe! Oh well, as my dear and wonderful children say, "Mom you'd go to the store naked as long as you have a new pair of shoes. Fetish, I don't think we could call it that, not when there are two, count them, two walk-in closets full of shoes, it's a sickness I guess. So I'm sure with my shopping for new clothes to take on the trip, I'll have to at least try on a few hundred pair! Not that anything in my closet will work!

I just want to let all of you know that not only jewelry is a top priority this year, but the Crisis Center Fundraiser is also on the top of my list. This is going to be something that we can all be so proud of, not only the "Seeds of Change" Gala itself, but the center when it is all done and ready to take in women and children to help them begin their new lives. I think everyone knows someone that has had to deal with some kind of abuse in their past, or present, from a friend, family member or who knows themselves, that's why this project is so very important. If a woman is going through something like that, it's our job as a sisterhood to stand behind her, lift her up and set her free from that terrible world. This center will not only be a place to house her but will help her to get her GED should she need it, learn job skills and hopefully find a job to get her on her NEW FEET! OK I'll get down from my pulpit!

Hey, I'm going to have a JEWELRY JAMBOREE Open house Dec. 2nd and 3rd and your all invited! Friday's will be from 4-8 Happy Hour (Mambo Margarita's yum!) and Saturday will be an open house from 11:00 - 4:00pm, so plan on coming by, I'll have deals you won't believe! Buy two items get the third for free! Where are you going to find that this time of year, except maybe at the car dealership! But I'm looking forward to starting off the Christmas rush with setting you all free from the madness! Say, and if your checkbook is looking low, just book a show, you can get all your women and girlfriend shopping done for absolutely NOTHING!! You will be amazed how quickly the free stuff adds up! So feel free to give me a call and schedule something for yourself, or you and your neighbor! (568-3321)

Well, I guess this should be all for today, have a hundred and one things to take care of and haven't started any of them! See ya in the funny papers!

October 20, 2005

2005-10-20T08:46:00.000-07:00

"YOU SAY IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY" dunanananana....happy birthday to me! I will probably be the only one (OTHER THAN MY DAUGHTER AND PROBABLY TAM) to tell me that, my own freakin' husband always thinks it's the 10th. Must have been an old (very old) girl friends.

I received a great birthday bash by my wonderful "RED HATTERS" last Saturday, caught me totally by surprise and received so many beautiful presents! I can't say enough about these generous loving women. They really have become dear and long-time friends.

Had a Cookie show last night and did really well! I tell you the more I get out and and about the more I'm finding wonderful women coming into our neighborhoods! I was was with about 15 -20 women last night that were so much fun! Thanks to all of them for placing orders and being such wonderful, fun guests.

Had a great surprise yesterday! I didn't get picked to have my own booth at the "Founder's Day" last weekend, we won't even get into that, but there was another gal there representing Cookie Lee (has a 480 phone #) that's all I know, but aparantley she only does her business between Monday and Friday ( what!!!) So I got a party from it!! OH YEAH, LITTLE CIRCLES, I'M DANCIN' Sounds like this one will be pretty big too! These ladies in Maricopa Rock! They are having block parties all the time. I think it's fantastic! So anyway, have to run to the show room to fill some orders from last night and re-stock....(I love doing that!) So take care all and catch you again soon (I made a promise to check in every day, this is as good as it gets I guess!!) Love to all!!

October 10, 2005

2005-10-10T21:27:00.000-07:00

Hey all, sorry to have neglected my little space of thoughts, but the hubby came home from the big trip (he stayed all 10 days, got some work, fished and farted around and came home with more money than he started out with!). How do men do it! I never come home with ANY money!! Needless to say it was a wonderful homecoming and now I am catching up on my wifely duties, such as going to the grocery store (I'd only been 2x's while he was gone) laundry, cooking, yada yada yada, no wonder I never have time for a bubble bath!

Jenny (my 24 year old daughter) checked in on Saturday afternoon, so I treated her to lunch at the Sports Bar. She had a blast! It was like a High School reunion in there! A couple of her friends came by and ended up staying because we were having so much fun, and then the inevitable....the tequilla started flowing! Oh boy, I learned my lesson about 7 years ago with teqilla. It was my shot of choice, and then one night after the barn dance we were on the way home and I lost it!! Of course because Mike and I were so hammered we had to take the short cut home through the cotton fields (the benefits of growing up here, you either worked them, dated a guy who's dad owned them, had beer bashes on them, or lost your virginity on them!) Mike learned all the back roads very quickly when we moved back home, so this was beneficial to us both because had we been stopped I would have been arrested for not only being intoxicated but probably pucking all over the one officer of the county!
Well I sold "Fords" (You know how you sound when your pucking from way down low) 'FORD!" and was still selling those things for three days. That was the end of the tequilla days, ah sometimes you wondered how you ever made it home because you couldn't even remember leaving! Then the next week everyone in town had to tell me how much fun I had at the dance....I even promised a friend to take her sister home after the dance and we were so hammered we went off and left her! Sorry Billy!

I just thank God every day that I'm on this great medication and I don't have to drink anymore! I just pop my little pill and kick back and wait for that good old "I don't hurt anymore" feeling to come along.....

Well, that's it for today, a typical Monday, cleaned some mini-blinds that were disgusting (how do they get so nasty? We never even use them!) Picked up my "clean" house, at least it stayed that way for 10 days, got through all the mail I've neglected for the past 3 days and worked on the business a little bit. So tomorrow will be more productive I hope....See ya, Tootles!!

Sept. 29, 2005

2005-09-29T13:16:00.000-07:00

Today my wonderful husband left for 10 days! I've been doing the "happy dance" for the past two hours! It seemed like he would never leave!

Of course when a man is packing for a trip to the great outdoors their priorities are totally different than ours. 1) Pitch the tent in the front room just so you remember how to do it when you get up there in front of all your friends. 2)You must unroll the sleeping bag and hang it across the rails of the porch for a couple of days for it to "air" out (god only knows what lives in that thing from year to year), and 3) pack the old "Grub" box. For you lucky women who don't have husbands that go camping, a grub box consists of peanut butter and jelly, loaf of bread, can of beans, an onion, couple of large potatoes, aluminum foil (because everything is cooked in aluminum foil) and toilet paper. Then the hard part starts, packing their own clothes. First thing out of their mouths are "Honey, did you wash my underwear and socks?" "Yes, dear, in your drawer" "and my Levis" "yes, in the closet" "Well, I'm going to need a couple of towels" by this time your thinking geez did you loose your mind? "Try under the sink where you get a clean one every morning" And then it becomes somewhat quite and you finally hear "I guess I'm all done" "That's wonderful honey, have a great time and see you when you get back", lock the door.. I'm finally alone for the first time in a year, alone to bubble baths and TV (of my own choice, I think I'll watch Oprah every day just because I can) and no cooking!!! Hurray!

Now you ladies that know me know that every year he warns me that he might find work while he was up there (the White Mountains, where we lived for 11 long years) so don't expect him before at least 10 days, and then he'd call before he started home....Well four days COUNT THEM FOUR DAYS went by and he's home!! ALL I COULD DO WAS YELL "NO, NO, NO!!" It didn't stop the nightmare that was happening before my eyes! "You said you'd be gone for ten days what the hell?" "Well, everyone up there is at work and I got bored so I came home". Damn, I hadn't even begun to do all the things I had on my list to do...(because I'd been watching Oprah and everything else all day long) wasted....my vacation is gone until another year I thought.

So, I made him promise me to CALL before he comes home this year, at least that way if it's early I can be gone shopping or something when he gets here! I can't have him thinking I stay home the whole time he's gone. After all I have a reputation to uphold, he's heard stories of "Mall Bliss" and "Girls Night Out" for so many years, what would he think?

Well ladies, I'm headed to Phoenix to the Cookie Lee showroom this afternoon and shop for some new pieces of jewelry and pick up a case of the new catalogs. I have the expo here in Maricopa on Sunday so I must look like I know what I'm doing....Talking is my best asset it works in this business too! Call me if you'd like to schedule a lunch next week as I WON'T BE COOKING, and would love to join you....TA TA for now, until tomorrow, or later tonight if there's nothing on TV....

About Me!

2005-09-28T08:55:00.000-07:00

My name is Lana F. Williford, I do however get more recognition in Pinal County as Lana Pearce (my maiden name). I was born in Casa Grande, Az (which is 18 miles east of where I live) and have lived in Maricopa all my life, except for 11 years when my husband was his happiest, we lived in Lakeside Az, which is about 4 hours north of here in the White Mountains. My husband is determined to move back soon, but he's been saying that for the past 15 years. Currently I am disabled, (I hate using that word, because you think of someone either in a wheelchair, or walking around with their arm outstretched in an unnormal manner, looking like Frankenstein) I've had 13 major back surgeries and have lived to tell all! I have a husband (as I mentioned before) who is somewhat a recluse. He hates being in the "flat-lands", and dreams of building a little summer cabin on the 10 acres we still own in the Pinetop area. He would be very happy to live like "Jed Clampet" before the oil strike. I guess we're more like "Green Acres", he loves the country life and I have mall withdrawals! We've been married for 27 years, go figure, have two wonderful grown children and are still here, together!